Oakland Raiders Winning Ugly Better Than Losing Pretty

Captain Jack Rack 'em Levy – Oct 23, 2012

It was UUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLYYYYY!!

I’m talking ‘wingman/best girlfriend’ doing their job and ‘jumping on the grenade,’ taking the nasty, open-sored, ratty dandruff- haired, broken-toothed gal OR short, balding, bad-breathed and overweight dude while their best friend gets the Victoria’s Secrets/Chippendale model/dancer look alike… yeah, THAT Ugggggggllllllly. 

But it was a “Win,” and what did our patriarch always say?  What is the Raiders’ mantra?

“Just Win Baby!” – Although I think Al Davis himself was squirming in his owner’s box Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Upstairs. 

I mean, what more could you ask for? The Jags’ best offensive weapon, Maurice Jones-Drew aka “Mojo” and MJD – the Raider killer himself, was lost on their second offensive play when Lamarr Houston evoked the old Romanowski ‘tackle and twist,’ knocking him out of the game.  A sad homecoming for the De La Salle Product, but I personally was glad we wouldn’t have to deal with him this past Sunday. 

Adding injury to insult for the Jaguars, starting quarterback Blaine Gabbert was CRUSHED by Tommy Kelly on a play ultimately going down in the record books as an ‘offside call’ on the same player who did the crushing.  No matter, the damage was done, and although Gabbert played through the pain and came back into the game when Phillip Adams ‘kaa-kaaaa-KOUGHED’ up the ball on his punt return, the Jags’ QB ultimately wouldn’t be able to continue. 

Al was indeed smiling… “The Quarterback must go down… and he must go down HARRRRRD!!” 

But what did the Raiders’ do from Jump Street? Well, I’m not sure if someone had a kegger which lasted late into Sunday morning as the Raiders certainly appeared they were walking in a drunken stupor for much of the first half… I myself was ready to use my phone card for a long-distance plea to ANYONE in the stands – I saw Gorilla Rilla, Raider Jerry and Rhinestone Raider several times during the CBS broadcast, so I was READY to call them. 

Unfortunately, I left my card in my room… so I saved the minutes. 

The Raiders only had really FOUR POSITIVES worth mentioning in the first half –

1) Carson Palmer's connection to DHB gaining 59 yards… unfortunately, however, only resulting in a Janikowski field goal (I had a bad feeling it was gonna be one of THOSE kinda days…)

2) Mike Goodson's kick-return of 45yds which set up the Raiders near mid-field, although the offense would again sputter and gag resulting in another ‘three-and-out’ and Lechler punt.

3) The defensive series immediately following the successful Jaguars onside-kick, stopping the Jags from getting any additional points…even forcing pressure on the 4^th and one call, turning the ball back over to the Raider offense… eventually leading to …

4) Palmer's ‘Clutch, Tuck and Throw-away’ which saved the Raiders for another Jano field goal when it appeared the Raiders had yet again given the ball away to their guests from Jacksonville.  And by the way, HUGE commendation to Carson Palmer, who was getting KILLED all day by the Jacksonville D-line and backers.  I think we definitely need to look at drafting some more Offensive Linemen as well as more free agent acquisitions there if we want to keep CP3 upright and out of the hospital…. nay MORGUE. 

The Raiders were the consummate hosts Sunday, giving the Jags’ short scoring chances by offering up the aforementioned Adams muffed punt deep in Raiders’ territory which led to their second touchdown, along with the Palmer ‘shovel throw into hell’ which was tipped back into the hands of Jags’ defender Cox (who would return a favor so to speak later in the fourth quarter), as Cox brought the ball to the Oakland 36yd line.  Fortunately the Raiders’ Defense stiffened, forcing a long 50yd Scobee field goal and three more Jacksonville points.    

Those gaffes were in addition to Raider defenders Adams – yes, Phil, you had a really baaaaad day dude – and Tyvon Branch playing the part of ‘Alphonse and Gaston’ blowing a coverage, allowing Jags’ wide out “Shorts-to-go-Longs” enough time to grab a coke and a dog before catching the 42yd Gabbert loft, giving the Jaguars an early lead at 7-3. 

Yep, three turnovers giving away 13 points was definitely enough to make most fans start searching for the Tums, Alka Seltzer or triple shot of liquor to help ease the pain.  I mean seriously? No starting QB, no Mojo and you’re losing to arguably the WORST football team in the NFL? Maybe the Raiders’ body clocks were still on Eastern Standard Time from the week prior as it certainly looked for the most part they were sleep-walking through the first half (or perhaps it WAS the kegger after all...) 

Well, according to reports by sources to remain nameless there was a serrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiously volatile ‘wake-up call’ given to the Raiders at halftime, and they did respond in the second half I’m very happy to say. 

In fact, I’d also like to commend defenders Lamarr Houston, Miles Burris and Philip Wheeler who played outstanding defensive ball.  On offense, big plays by Darrius Heyward-Bey, Denarius Moore and Marcel Reese (I actually called the long pass play prior to the snap) led to successful drives and scores, so thank you gentlemen. 

One final kudo to rookie Rod Streater, with two FANTASTIC grabs, one going high, clutching and bringing the ball down while falling on his back for a needed first down reception on the drive leading up to Palmer’s game-tying quarterback sneak, along with the all-out dive which allowed our Polish Cannon a chance to finally grab the record books for himself in his ill-fated 64yd field goal attempt which ended regulation.  No Streater catch… no attempt period.  Don’t worry… I still see a successful record-breaking 64yd+ kick coming on someday… which leads me to…

The Captain’s ear-piercing “YAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!” going out to Seabass, who without his deadly accurate and booming leg we wouldn’t have the two victories currently leading our Won-Loss record. 

So it’s off to the land of fountains and bar-b-ques… and the Kansas City Chiefs, who are going through their own set of woes.  For all those in the know, do NOT look past these bad guys, as our Raiders AGAIN get a team coming off its bye with something to prove, much like we were going into Atlanta.  KC would love nothing better than to knock us back a few pegs… despite (or perhaps in spite) of whomever they trot out at quarterback.  Brady Quinn is scheduled to start with Coach Romeo promising he won’t be given a ‘quick hook,’ but let’s try to get past them all and into their true emergency quarterback – remember, the quarterback must go down… and he MUST GO DOWN HARRRRRRRD!!!

Doing that most likely means we’ve successfully thwarted their running game, which will be needed this week just as it has been employed the last two weeks against the Dirty Birds and Puddy Cats; holding the Chiefs to similar numbers SHOULD ensure a victory for our Raiders… and another jubilant article by your Captain. 

So until then… I bid adieu from the Stormy Caribbean once again.  The sails are full of wind, as a
gale of victories await if we continue to play as hard as we did in Atlanta…and when pushed, the fantastic second-half finish vs. Jacksonville.  Let’s continue on course…

Battle Stations Mateys and Wenches…it is after all CHIEFS’ WEEK!! YAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!