Oakland Raiders: Being a Raiders’ fan WILL get you Arrested…

Captain Jack Rack Levy – Oct 24, 2013

… Or what’s the old running joke? California state pens at Chino, Lompoc and San Quentin were asked to ‘assist’ in the Raiders not being blacked out for years and committed to a work-release program whereby ‘trusty’ inmates were allowed out for recreation … to the upper bleacher areas at the O.Co prior to this year, ensuring games would make the mandated sell-out deadline. 

Insert drummer’s rimshot here…Shikkkkaaaaaaa Daaaaaaa Boooooooooooom!! (Cymbal crash.)

Granted, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, but the way you’d hear it from any stand-up comedian, start with the words prisoners or prisons, then assault or abuse and finish with ‘Raiders fans’ in some form or the other and you’d have an instant joke.  Thank goodness Kathy Samuon and the FAV are doing their best to change this perception, but that's another blog article. 

So what am I trying to say at midnight on a Wednesday/Thursday after a bye week when all of Raider Nation eagerly scans the ‘net, twitter-sphere and any other reporting source to see who they will trot out to play the hated Steelers this Sunday in Oakland following the devastating loss we endured a week and a half ago in Kansas City? Wow, realized that’s all ONE SENTENCE!!!!  In fact, four (now six) rather lengthy sentences… but then again, you’re reading a Captain Jack piece now, so you’d expect as much. 

Maybe what I really should have stated was ‘Being a Sports Fan will get you stopped by the Cops’ but it certainly didn’t have the same ring the above title did; and considering I wasn’t arrested but merely stopped by the local Security Police on my way home from a shift which actually ended near ‘on time’ (five minutes over normal) yours truly was looking to get back to the house to hopefully catch the end of Game One of this year’s World Series …

Featuring the National League’s St Louis Cardinals (booooooooo…. Yeah that team who beat the Dodgers, and I know we have several Dodgers and Giants fans in our readership) and the even more hated (at least by me) REDDDD SAAAWWWWWWWKKKKS from BAAAAAAAAAAH-Ston.  Yep, none of the American League teams I like (Rays, A’s, O’s and Yankees) were even close in the end, so seeing this series for me would again be a case of ‘who do you root for whom you LEAST despise’?  

Heck, in baseball I’m a proud Phillies fan, so I knew about the All Star break I wouldn’t be seeing Utley, Howard, Lee, Halladay or Chooch out there in October, but you gotta watch the World Series, right? So when I got off my job relatively early (that’d be 11:05PM Eastern Time) I barreled into my ‘Captain Jack Raider Road-Galleon Special Ford F-150’ and away I went, down the roads, around the curves, up and down the hills to my new housing area – having moved the previous weekend – and my awaiting big-screen TV, hoping to catch at least a late inning or two of the contest. 

/articleimages/sf150galleon.jpgExcept Murphy, or in this case Morelight, had other plans for me.  Morelight (name changed for privacy) is ‘Officer Morelight’ of the Security Police here on ‘The Rock of the Caribbean’ and he was making sure all vehicles, including those driven by rushing Pirates, were making ‘All the stops’ – or in this case TWO STOPS – at stop signs.  Nope, no World Series for me, other than what I was going to catch highlights-wise on BSPN. 

Now wait, if you think I’m berating the officer for doing his duty and stopping even me upon making a traffic violation, I insist that’s none of the sort.  In fact, if you can’t tell, this piece (nay, ALL my pieces) are done with wit, sarcasm and as needed tongue planted firmly in cheek.  No, I don’t think they’re going to ‘throw the book’ at me for a California stop followed by a firm ‘not even a Cali stop’ on my way home, and fighting the ticket would appear pointless. 

In fact, Officer Morelight and I had a nice conversation during the stop (literally about 50yards from my front door… I could see the End Zone for the Touchdown people!!) as we spoke about our teams who weren’t in the Series, my Phillies and his Pirates…

Hmmmmmmmmm… so Officer Morelight is a PIRATES fan.  And most Pirates fans by extension are… dare I say it… STEELERS’ fans!!  And sure enough it was identified that young Officer Morelight was indeed a PROUD STEELERS fan, and he let me know he was ‘Black and Gold’ through and through when I enquired.     

“Sooooooooo… this is Steelers at Raiders week.  You DO realize Ben Roethlisberger (I didn’t call him my usual nickname of Rapistpervert, after all… why thumb your nose at the man writing you a ticket, right?) hasn’t won in Oakland… EVERRRR!!”

Officer Morelight was quick on the counter-punch, stating however the motor-cycle wrecking quarterback of the Steelers does indeed have two rings since our Raiders were embarrassed in our last foray in a Super Bowl appearance… (if you can call that game in San Diego over a decade ago an ‘appearance’ at all...)

Well, can’t argue that, especially since this young officer hasn’t seen a ‘Real’ Raiders’ team that dominated for decades at a time.  Nope, this patrolman may remember a few good years when that dude who does the quirky faces on Monday Night Football telecasts coached the team to a few good years… but wasn’t he the coach who won that ‘appearance’ in San Diego previously discussed?

/articleimages/welcometooaklandben.jpg((Haaaarrrrrrummmmmmph.)) I’m guessing this kid is all of 22-24 MAYBE at most, so I didn’t think he’d make that connection – although he DID remind me the Raiders have LOST one Super Bowl in his lifetime (and was that a smirk on his face I could discern even though there were barely a street-light visible?

Oh, the fact that he was behind what is undoubtedly THE MOST RECOGNIZED DRIVER on ‘The Rock’ with a vehicle denoting to all the world to see as ‘The Captain’s Gig’ is truly a Raiders’ land galleon… naaaaaaaaaaaaaah… he wouldn’t be giving me a ticket because of that, could he? I mean, this being STEELERS at RAIDERS week is purely coincidental, right?  

(Let’s take a look at that citation again… when is the court date? Well I DO work nights and I can be made available to go down and see the judge.  Maybe I’ll be lucky and get a sympathizer; after all, both Senior Enlisted Advisors for the two largest commands on the Rock are BOTH die-hard Raiders fans.  Maybe the Captain WILL make an appearance for that court date …)

“I tell you judge, it is blatant and unadulterated discrimination I tell you, your eminence! Once Officer Morelight saw the back of the vehicle, the famous to all who know me and ‘The Captain’s Gig’ here on the Rock, he was ‘bound and determined’ he was going to give me a ticket for making a California stop at one of those stop signs.  After all, wouldn’t a RAIDERS’ FAN make a ‘California stop’ there? What other kind of stop would he make your honor?   And of course the officer is from Pittsburgh, with the citation being during Steelers/Raiders week.   I rest my case.”

“What’s that you say your honor?  What about the other stop sign I blew through? (… In order to see the game? which of course wouldn’t be stated out loud.  The Captain then looks at a non-existent wrist watch in a stalling manner…) Gee your honor… ummmmmmmmm… actually I really need to get to work; after all, the country … nay Raider Nation… is counting on me…” (Sound of screeching tires as the Captain makes a hasty exit from the courtroom…)

I was kind enough to invite Officer Morelight over to my house this Sunday for the game – you know, the house which was in spitting distance when I was pulled over for DWBARF? (Driving While Being A Raiders Fan?)  This is almost as bad as the ticket the young Sailor ‘Seaman Jack,’ ever so salty got in the Philippines for DWBA – Driving While Being American – but that’s another story for another time.  And for mature audiences only…

/articleimages/raidersoline.jpgSo if we go back to our original premise of what team will the Raiders trot out on Sunday? We’ll certainly find out, but we’ve had at least these snippets of good news this week from practice.  Wiz II is back at center, and that is a god-send of major proportions, as it allows the offense to at least get in synch with the correct line calls and protections and gives Pryor less to administer on his plate. 

Just run the play and perform TP2 … if needed, you’re also allowed to throw the ball away, as Pittsburgh does have a very capable defense under Dick Lebeau.   We’ve also seen sightings of Miles Burris and Tony Pashos working out on the sidelines, so hopefully that’s a good sign of their imminent return this week  if not within the next week or two. 

As for Jared Veldheer, nothing indicates he’ll be any earlier than his projected return week nine, and while we’re talking offensive linemen, it doesn’t appear Menelik Watson or Andre Gurode appear ready for this week’s game.  Lucas Nix hopefully has returned to a healthier self and won’t be pushed back and through on his blocking as he has in large chunks of playing time this year, as we all know keeping Terrelle Pryor upright and healthy is the key to winning any game this season; our Defense will more often than not keep it close if not dominate, so it’s up to the Offense to win in the end.

And there you have it… WIN IN THE END.  The Raiders have two winnable home games back to back against the state of Pennsylvania and are capable of being .500 after those contests.  When was the last time we were a ‘real’ .500 too? Please don’t trot out the two 8-8 records from a few years ago, as those teams’ performances in the end were a ‘mirage 8-8,’ and this team has the capabilities of having a WINNING RECORD within a month. 

As for me, I’m going to enjoy watching a Raiders/Steelers contest like days of old, knowing our band of marauders have beaten this team from Pittsburgh handily this past decade. Let’s continue that trend… and ohhhh by the way, be sure to stop… COMPLETELY STOP… at those stop signs, ok crew?

Until next week when we’ll talk about those Iggles coming into town, the Captain bids you a hardy “YAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” as always.

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